patrickgross.org

Yada yada

• Black holes are where God divided by zero.
• Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Support bacteria: they're the only culture some people have.
• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
• Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
• Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
• When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
• When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
• Electrons travel at the speed of light, which in most American homes is 110 volts per hour.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
• If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
• Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
• We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
• To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
• If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
• Join the Brownian Movement!
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
• You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit.
• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
• Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
• It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
• Absolute zero is cool.
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
• If you're driving at the speed of light and stick your head out the window, what happens?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
• Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
• Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
• Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.
• For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
• In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
• I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

patrickgross.org
Samedi, 21 décembre 2024